ugly people sure do ruin things
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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