fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
