i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
