matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
