I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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