we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
