just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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