I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
