He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
