I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
