the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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