Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
