I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
