those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
