god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
