he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
