I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Farmville is her only friend.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
