1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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