yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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