He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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