So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just found puke in my bra..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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