Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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