We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
