girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
