If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
