so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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