just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
