My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
