He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
