guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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