you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
