Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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