Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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