what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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