a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
