he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
