what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
