Your dad touched me again.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
