i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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