Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
