You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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