I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
