Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
