my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
