with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Randomize
