were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
