My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
