Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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