My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
