the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
