just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
