Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
