Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
