It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
